For too many years, I’ve viewed Mother’s Day through a less than rose colored lense.
Not today Satan!
In 1985 I became one. I was kind of a disaster and, relative to the above sentiment, it is finally no longer necessary to revisit the shortcomings of my eighteen-year-old self.
In light of recent headlines and the leak of a draft, written by Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, which suggests intentions of the U.S. Supreme Court to “strike down Roe v. Wade,” it feels important to acknowledge that when I learned I was, as a senior in high school, unexpectedly expecting, I had a choice.
There was no question in my mind at the time, nor that of my baby’s father, that we wanted our baby.
But I had a choice.
Families, all families, no matter how perfect they look on the outside, harbor some level of dysfunction. It just is. Often passed down from generations before and, upon close review, logical explanations are revealed.
My great grandmother, Dee Dee was twice widowed and mother of six girls in the 1920’s and ’30’s. From what I know, she worked very hard as a corsetiere in Los Angeles. It sounds like there was little time for maternal things.
My grandmother, who became a mother in the mid 40’s, wrote with what had to be heartache that she “didn’t know what to do with this precious little girl God had given” her. Notably, Martha almost died in childbirth, and she and my mother spent their first few months as mother and daughter together, apart, in the hospital… which explains a few things.
When it was Mom’s turn to mother, she just couldn’t. Too much unaddressed childhood trauma and other complications. I know without a doubt she loved me beyond measure. Ironically, it was her mother who stepped in and came to my rescue. I spent the first eight years of my life in what felt like a magical bubble with Gram.
Some families are cursed or blessed with more than others, but the collectiveness of imperfect motherhood in my family has made me the person and proud mom I am today.
I’m lucky to have experienced two very different lifetimes of motherhood and my kids continue to teach me invaluable lessons. I’m lucky to have had exceptional mother figures to guide me through life.
Today I can confidently say that I am more proud than ever to be Mom.
Happy Mother’s Day with love to all of you strong, beautifully imperfect, amazing, persevering moms!
Thanks for stopping by,
xo Jen
J. J. Cannon 