#Throwback Thursday
February is the month of love.
It’s hard to believe that it has been almost a year! So much has happened and there are exciting things ahead.
Stay tuned…
Thanks for stopping by,
ox J. J.
#Throwback Thursday
It’s hard to believe that it has been almost a year! So much has happened and there are exciting things ahead.
Stay tuned…
Thanks for stopping by,
ox J. J.
I clearly remember listening and crying often to… wait for it… Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself”. I kept a diary with a little lock on it to write down all of my melancholy, secret thoughts, hopes and dreams. A friend reminded me that for centuries girls have kept diaries, written lines on paper, scribbled doodles outlining feelings they might not want to share with anyone else. God only knows what I was writing back then – but I’m sure looking back today I would probably find myself to be more than a little *emo and dramatic.
*Just asked Soph if the kids are still saying ’emo’ – she says “not really”. Whatever. I’m trying to keep up, seriously.
Today, anything goes. Kids from as young as 6, 7 & 8 on up are all over Instagram, Twitter, SnapChat, KiK and (insert every other new app that is impossible to keep up with here). Sometimes kids are looking for attention, sometimes they are being bullied. Often, it is difficult to decipher what is real and what is not. It is difficult enough as an adult with the ability to analyze a potentially serious situation – how can anyone possibly think or expect that a young person can sort it all out?
Consider this scenario – I am using Instagram as the example:
Your kid is following x number of people on Instagram. Many of them are other kids, maybe friends of his or her friends, whom your kid does not know personally. There is real social status attached to having many followers and it is tough for most kids to ignore. Perception is reality.
Suddenly, someone gets wind of a kid who has been being bullied – kids telling her to “die” and “go kill yourself”. This spreads to the point that your kid (who doesn’t actually know this kid) sees a post from this person saying something to the effect of they “give up” and “if you don’t see me here after this, it means I’m dead.” Wait, what?! Immediately, your kid goes into freak out mode and starts texting her friends about this kid who’s going to kill herself and there’s a flurry of conversation about what to do about it because they “don’t EVEN REALLY KNOW her”, but “how sad” and “OMG, someone should call the police!”
Please tell me you can see how this might be disturbing, cause unnecessary upset, worry, anxiety, feelings of helplessness?
I implore every parent who allows their kid(s) to be socially active to use this as an example of why – at a young age – they should not be following other kids that they don’t really know.
Suicide-speak online is nothing to joke about. Every parent should teach their kids to take it very seriously. If your child sees someone online making these types of comments, please tell them that they must come and show you immediately so that you can check out the situation and contact that child’s parent. If it saves even one life, it’s worth the discomfort you may feel making that phone call.
Alternatively, and because I understand that there is potentially a “this is none of my business” mindset, I think every school should encourage and allow students to report instances of online bullying or being witness to a student’s online posts about wanting to hurt themselves or others anonymously to a Guidance Counselor.
I feel it is important to share that last night, after I posted this on Instagram, almost immediately it was liked by a young girl with a “Secret Account” (but public profile – does not follow me and I do not know or follow her), whose bio tells us, “No one hates me as much as I hate myself.” Her posts are filled with hashtags like #suicide (which is probably how she found my post), #anorexia, #cutting, #depressed and more. As a mother, it saddened me and my immediate thoughts were, where are her parents? Who can she talk to? Why is no one paying attention to this child?
How real should my worry be about a thing like this? I can’t know… because I don’t really know her.
What are your thoughts on this subject?
Thanks for stopping by,
ox J. J.
Click Pic to Play – J. J. Cannon Explains “Sophie” with Sheinelle Jones and Mike Jerrick
Philadelphia misses you Sheinelle!
This was my first ever television appearance and both Sheinelle and Mike could not have been more kind.
“This is awesome, I think this is a go-to book for everybody. It’s new… One South Jersey Mom wants to help. Her name is Jennifer Cannon, she wrote this book, it’s called “Sophie Takes a Selfie”, isn’t that a good idea? She hopes this will inspire more thoughtfulness in the way our kids communicate on social media.”
“…it’s about time we have a book on it, like a go-to guide.”
~ Sheinelle Jones
Hope to share “Sophie” with the TODAY crew soon!
Thanks for stopping by,
xo J. J.
My timely, only-one-of-its-kind handbook of social media rules and etiquette to help kids, especially girls, navigate the wilds of cyberspace safely and responsibly, @Sophie Takes a #Selfie, is a must-have companion gift.
Get it here ☛
Amazon Note: This POD (Print on Demand) book ships in days, not weeks despite what Amazon notes.
BN.com Ships in 24 hrs.
“It’s rare that a book hits home for parents and tweens simultaneously. J.J.Cannon’s breezy tween-speak bridges any cyber gap, delivering an inside digital scoop to parents while engaging tweens with great illustrations and timely guidance. Sensible, savvy, and sensitive, Cannon homes into the needs and “likes” of kids (especially girls) and concerns of adults. Every parent who hands over a smartphone needs to hand over @Sophie Takes a #Selfie as a user’s guide.”MARGARET SAGARESE — coauthor award-winning parenting books incl. The Roller-Coaster Years & Boy Crazy: Keeping Your Daughter’s…
Thanks for stopping by,
xo J. J.
Rule No. 14 of “Sophie’s” #SweetSixteen – Proceed with Caution reads in part:
“In the name of respect for yourself and others, please refrain from sharing inappropriate materials or photos of yourself or anyone else! Before you start snapping pics of you and your besties anywhere at any time, STOP! Then ask yourself these three things first:
1. Do I have permission from my friends (or acquaintances) to take the picture?
2. Will anyone be potentially embarrassed, hurt or offended?
3. Will anyone (including me) be mortified if someone were to capture a screenshot and share it with the world (or my mother)?
And guess what? Those SnapChat pics? Turns out they may not ever really disappear.”
You gotta love the “not our fault” blame deflection by SnapChat. It’s barely interesting to me that over 200,000 photos have been hacked – why? Because it’s NOT A SURPRISE.
***PARENTS (of girls especially): If you allow your kids to download and use this app – here’s a little insight into the mind of Evan Speigal, one of the creators. ***Explicit information – not for children.
Anonymity, it’s the new virginity. Let’s try to teach our kids to value and hold onto it!
Thanks for stopping by,
xo J. J.
Copyright J. J. Cannon – Images may not be used without permission.
What’s yours?
Wait… you haven’t picked up a copy yet? The book is available on Amazon and BN.com.
Thanks for stopping by,
xo J. J.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuzH3x6kGMg
While sites like Twitter do not ask your age when setting up an account – they’ve likely realized the uselessness and unenforceability of age requirements – I think it is foolish to let a nine year old play unsupervised on this (or any) digital playground. Don’t get me wrong – I’m just as much a sucker for marketing and nerdy-cute precocious kids showing us grown ups what’s up as the next person (wait, whaaat?). What I dislike about this commercial is that it depicts nine year olds (3rd to 4th graders dependent on birthday) just chillin’ in a cafe with their new Fire Phones over coffee… like this totally happens. I find it insidious as it pertains to our kids becoming socially active at even younger ages and, very cleverly, would have us believe that this is perfectly okay.
Transcription:
A little boy and girl sit in a coffee shop talking about what they have in store for the day. The little boy asks “So what you got on deck?” The little girl answers “Skyfall, Lean In, then some Pinterest. You?” The boy replies “Twitter, Minecraft, then some Hunger Games. Boom.” A woman from across the table has been watching them talk about their day “You guys are all set huh?” The boy replies “Oh, yea, new Amazon Fire Phone.” The little girl adds “It comes with Amazon Prime. Tons of cool stuff for no extra charge.” The woman asks “Really? It comes with Amazon Prime?” The girl answers “Yea, there’s so much to watch.” The boy adds “I’ve been on this Earth 9 years I’ve never seen anything like it.”
By now you may be thinking that I’m much too uptight and possess zero sense of humor. Believe me, I have a great sense of humor, but never appreciate my intelligence being insulted. I wonder how many kids have seen this and said, “See Mom, they’re nine and they’ve got phones! Why can’t I have one?”
The best news is that we are all free to decide what is right for our kids and when.
When we hand our kids any kind of smart device, it is our responsibility not to get left out of this equation.
Now…if I could just get *AT&T to sell my book in their stores! *we love our phone plan
Thanks for stopping by,
J. J. xo
Do not do this!
I never thought lighting yourself on fire would be on the list of things to worry about during the teen years. My supremely responsible and successful adult nephew tells me this is nothing new — that in his “younger” years kids used to spray Axe Body Spray on their hands and light them on fire. Perfect.
After seeing one of the videos that has gone viral (I’m sure it was totally worth the severe burns), I had a flashback of talking to my kids as toddlers when they’d be in the kitchen with me. “Danger, danger,” I’d say, “HOT!” if they got too close to the stove.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve seen pictures or videos currently making the rounds. The majority of teens comfortably dumb enough (thanks to their underdeveloped brains) to try this are boys, but I was surprised to find that there are indeed girls participating as well.
I’m betting this young lady wishes she hadn’t.
Fire is hot.
Her skin may not be burning yet, but her bathing suit… and long hair(!) will.
As an adult it baffles the mind to think that anyone would want to try this. My good friend Dr. Alicia DiFabio explains:
Adolescents are notorious for being more impulsive and seeking out higher levels of stimulation. That is why you often see them listening to very loud music, driving very fast, and even enhancing their sensory experiences with anything from pounding three Red Bulls to harder drugs. They also don’t have the experience or developed reasoning skills to weigh the ramifications of high-risk behavior. Therefore, they may decide that the benefits of a certain behavior are worth the risk. The benefits usually are that they gain peer acceptance or some form of instant gratification.
This type of thing has always characterized the adolescent, but now you have social media adding an extra layer. Many of these kids have grandiose ideas of gaining their 15 minutes of fame. There are YouTube videos and television shows that glorify people doing the utmost stupid and dangerous things. Put all of that together with a propensity for risky behavior, an under developed frontal lobe of the brain, too much unsupervised and unstructured “down time” and a strong desire for peer acceptance, and you have a perfect storm for things like “the fire challenge.”
Fire setting (aka pyromania) has been long recognized and researched and treatment models exist for this type of behavior. Unfortunately, setting ONESELF on fire is such a new phenomenon that mental health professionals don’t really have a handle on why kids do it and what the best course for treatment is yet.
Dr. Alicia DiFabio is a freelance writer and blogger at “Lost in Holland” with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology
If you haven’t already, please do talk to your kids about the seriousness of this.
Thanks for stopping by,
xo J.J.
Thanks to technology and parents who seem to be unable or unwilling to simmer down and parent private-like– on the quiet tip, we’re seeing it all. Social media provides us with a comfortably detached, ring-side view of bad behavior highlighted by bad behavior. We see everything from kids standing on busy street corners wearing giant sandwich boards declaring their wrong doings, video of Dad shooting up a laptop as a dramatic last resort, Mom selling bratty daughter’s Katy Perry concert tix and, most recently, the disturbing video of the severe beating of a twelve year old girl by her mother.
To be clear – I am not saying that kids don’t deserve to be punished. We don’t know the full stories behind these incidents because we weren’t there. All we know is what is being shared.
Perception is reality.
In my book, one of the most important of the #SweetSixteen aka #Rules is #BeKind. It reads in part:
“Knowing what to do if you see hateful or humiliating comments can be complicated… Today it is virtually impossible to escape cruel or humiliating messages that never go away. Once your words have been seen, they cannot be unseen. Go to your parent or other trusted adult…”
What are kids supposed to do when the people humiliating them are their parents? The very people who are supposed to be providing any level of guidance are now acting as immature as their children. It appears the parents in these situations are in search of some sort of twisted, attention getting notoriety, cool points, etc.
It’s no surprise kids can’t handle the complications of social media when we see the examples many parents are setting. Are you connected with your kids on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. with the intention of keeping an eye on them? Don’t forget, they’re watching you too.
Have a question or sticky social situation? Ask J. J.
Thanks for stopping by,
xo Jen
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